Dear Polly,
I hope today reminds you of how special you are, not just to the people around you, but simply as the person you are.
I've tried putting these feelings into words many times, but they never seemed enough. So instead of sending you another simple message, I wanted to give you something more personal, something you could take your time reading, because some feelings deserve more than a quick text. They deserve a little effort, a little courage, and a moment to truly be felt.
From walking past you in the waiting area at your job interview, to becoming colleagues, sitting side by side, to close friends, to the craziest conversations, to our first kiss in the Honda Fit (coming from a dare) to slowly catching feelings, to those “gaan we een ijsje halen?”, with endless conversations in the parking lot, the random adventures, but also the moments that hurt. So many different moments, different stages, and different versions of us, each leaving behind memories that I'll always carry with me. Looking back, it's almost crazy to think how something that started so casually could become such a meaningful part of my life.
Different stages, evolving feelings, different versions of us, same chemistry. Every chapter brought something different, and every version of us gave me memories and moments that I'll always carry with me.
There are so many things I appreciate about you. The way you make certain moments feel different, the conversations we've had, the laughs we've shared, and even the moments that were difficult. I've been through it all with you, and somehow, I've always felt more alive when I was with you. When I look back at everything we've shared, even the moments that may have seemed small or ordinary somehow became memories that mean the most to me. Like I've said before, if I could change one thing in life, it would be to have our paths cross much earlier.
My apologies.
I've made mistakes too. There are things I could have said differently, things I could have done better, and moments where I wish I had found the right words sooner. If I've ever hurt you, disappointed you, or made you question how much you mean to me, I'm truly sorry. That was never what I wanted.
And I want you to know that I always meant everything I’ve said to you. What I felt was real. My words were real. My feelings were real. My support was real. I never wanted anything from you that wasn't genuine. I wanted to be someone you could always count on, whether that meant being your friend, your biggest supporter, or, if life had ever taken us there, something more.
I care about you. More than I probably know how to explain.
Wherever this story takes us, if things aren't the same between us anymore, that doesn't erase what our time together meant to me. I want you to know that I'll still wish the best for you. Even if we're not as close. Even if I'm no longer there beside you the way I once was, just remember there is someone who genuinely wanted to see you happy. Someone who believed in you. And someone who, even from a distance, will always be rooting for you.
I'll be rooting for you whenever you achieve something you've worked hard for, and I'll be happy when you're happy. I'll hope you find peace when life gets difficult, and that you keep growing, keep dreaming, and keep becoming the person you're meant to be. I hope you achieve everything you want in this life — the big dreams, the little dreams, the things you've told people about and the things you've kept quietly in your own heart. The sky is the limit for you, and I genuinely believe that.
I hope you find the kind of happiness that feels peaceful. The kind of love that doesn't make you question your worth, a love that feels safe, genuine, and mutual. I hope you find someone who chooses you wholeheartedly, who sees your worth, respects your heart, supports your dreams, and makes you feel loved without ever having to question where you stand. I hope you experience the kind of love where you can be completely yourself and still feel more than enough. The kind of love that brings you peace instead of confusion, certainty instead of doubt, and warmth instead of pain. And I hope that one day, when you look around at the life you've built and the person standing beside you, you can smile and think, “I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, with exactly the kind of love I always deserved.”
As sunflowers always look for the light, I hope you do too. No matter what you've been through. No matter what you're still carrying. No matter how complicated life sometimes feels. I hope you keep finding your way toward the light. Keep growing. Keep believing in yourself. And never forget how much beauty there is in you.
I don't want this letter to be about expectations. I'm not writing this to ask you for anything. I'm not writing this because I expect an answer. I simply wanted you to know what was in my heart.
Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the conversations. Thank you for putting up with my dramatic BS. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for considering me one of your best friends. Thank you for the good times. And thank you even for the difficult moments. All of it became part of a story that means a lot to me.
I miss sitting next to you in the office every day. I miss your venting sessions, your laugh, your scent, your hugs. I miss those random “gaan we een ijsje halen?” moments, our car conversations, and those completely random bed conversations that somehow could go on forever. I miss the “Ethennn”. I miss staring in your beautiful eyes and get lost. I miss the little things, the silly things, the things that probably didn't mean much to anyone else but somehow meant a lot to me.
Having you there, being able to share the most random parts of my day with you, and knowing that somehow, even an ordinary day could become a little more special just because you were there.
So today, on your birthday, I want you to remember this:
you are special, you are worthy of good things, and you
deserve happiness.
And I hope this next chapter of your life brings you closer
to all of it. I hope life is kind to you. I hope you find
everything you're looking for.
A Few More Memories
Because some moments are worth keeping a little longer.
And somehow, these are only a few of the memories.